Dear fellow bloggers,Considering that a number of you have never even met me in person, I feel like I owe you all some explanations.
First of all apologies for Friday's depressing post. I am not a compulsive winger. I am generally an incredibly bubbly and happy person. I wake up every morning (most days) with a big grin of joy on my face; I don't really walk: I tend to bounce a lot. I laugh rumourously (my wee sis is so embarrassed of my 'heartily' laugh). I am honest; I am outspoken. One of my ex-boyfriends always used to say that for all my love for talking, when it comes to emotions, feelings, I needn't really have to say a word because my face and my eyes in particular are like a mirror to my soul; guess that you could say that 'what you see is what you get' with me. Throughout life's heart aches, hard times and disappointments, I have been renown for lifting my head up and carrying on. However, the last six months have thrown a lot at me, more than I sometimes think my heart can bear. I am bubbly, in-your-face, self-confident (cocky?!?!), but it doesn't mean that I don't hurt!!!!
Since my upheaval first started, I feel like I have made steady progress; I feel like I have re-discovered a passion for Life in all its fullness, rolled up my sleeves again and continued to strive. Nonetheless, behind that self-motivation, aspirations, optimism, Faith and dreams, there is a very fragile heart. Despite all the gains, I walk about the streets feeling constantly bereaved, lost. My mom is doing a great deal better; we are now waiting for the results from her final tests to see how well she has responded to treatment. Despite not getting into med school first time around, I have been offered to do an Mph in pharmaceutical research which will be contributing greatly towards my future medical studies; with the loss of my uncle, I have
seen God's comfort being generously poured over my auntie and family. In feeling rejected by the person I thought I loved the most in this world, I have been hurting a lot but I am also experiencing a surreal dispensation of divine grace : I have chosen not to beg, not to be miserable, not to be nasty, but to do right by and keep on loving that person unconditionally (even when that means to get nothing in return or to occasionally and involuntarily be trampled over emotionally) I have good friends; a job; a home; family, clothes to wear and food to eat; I have Faith. . But I guess we have all been there - such is life and I will soon be back to full strength, blogging about music gigs, humanitarian enterprise, happiness, movie reviews, holidays. My only concern was that I did not want to 'bottle it all up', pretending that everything is alright whilst feeling subconsciously and emotively shattered, exhausted. That's why I blog. Writing is a cathartic expression of my soul. Often the expressing itself, represents the cure. Other times your thoughts inspire me to be a better person, to love others more and also to love myself a bit better. SO, apologies for the whining and please, do keep on reading and commenting, even when I write a lot of bull! Your honesty may help to keep me sane!!!!!
Since my upheaval first started, I feel like I have made steady progress; I feel like I have re-discovered a passion for Life in all its fullness, rolled up my sleeves again and continued to strive. Nonetheless, behind that self-motivation, aspirations, optimism, Faith and dreams, there is a very fragile heart. Despite all the gains, I walk about the streets feeling constantly bereaved, lost. My mom is doing a great deal better; we are now waiting for the results from her final tests to see how well she has responded to treatment. Despite not getting into med school first time around, I have been offered to do an Mph in pharmaceutical research which will be contributing greatly towards my future medical studies; with the loss of my uncle, I have
seen God's comfort being generously poured over my auntie and family. In feeling rejected by the person I thought I loved the most in this world, I have been hurting a lot but I am also experiencing a surreal dispensation of divine grace : I have chosen not to beg, not to be miserable, not to be nasty, but to do right by and keep on loving that person unconditionally (even when that means to get nothing in return or to occasionally and involuntarily be trampled over emotionally) I have good friends; a job; a home; family, clothes to wear and food to eat; I have Faith. . But I guess we have all been there - such is life and I will soon be back to full strength, blogging about music gigs, humanitarian enterprise, happiness, movie reviews, holidays. My only concern was that I did not want to 'bottle it all up', pretending that everything is alright whilst feeling subconsciously and emotively shattered, exhausted. That's why I blog. Writing is a cathartic expression of my soul. Often the expressing itself, represents the cure. Other times your thoughts inspire me to be a better person, to love others more and also to love myself a bit better. SO, apologies for the whining and please, do keep on reading and commenting, even when I write a lot of bull! Your honesty may help to keep me sane!!!!! 
9 comments:
'Our honesty may keep you sane', I think your honesty is a blessing and by sharing and opening up, will probably help you. Also this blog is for your thoughts, I don't have to read, I want to. keep being honest and real
'In His kindness God called you to share in His eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation.'
1 Peter 5:10
You are quite right not to bottle it up, Ivonne. If bad things happen, you need to feel unhappy before you can move on. I hope you find comfort in writing it all down.
...Pastoral Care in a Virtual Community...
John: I still find it quite remarkable that anyone would be bothered/interested enough to read what I write - I am really quite honoured and humbled.
Tanya: I couln't remember ever reading that verse, but it is incredibly inspiring and encouraging - thanks for that, and your loving kindness. It's like when it says in the Bible that we don't know how to pray and the Spirit interceedes for us; it is wonderful when other people are interceeding, shining the light to be guided Home for you.
GB: you truly are wise; thanks for being understanding.
I feel like I have a lot in common with you. I felt my blog a place where i could naturally vent my feelings, openly and honestly without worrying about judgement or reprisal. I pray you know that blessing. It is fantastic to read honesty, to know that not everyone is happy all the time and to be shown a realistic portrayal of a life lived for HIM. 'We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed-always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body..we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man in perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.' 2COR 4 V 8-16 Keep finding him in the midst of the difficulty. Remember all you have to do is stand. The situation with ur mum is worse than bereavement- it's a long term bereavement that threatens ur hope. Just keep standing in God's strength and he will catch u if u fall.xo
I don't have much left to add to all these wise words. Only that nothing lasts forever and that when the things that seemed they would, come to an end they do so to make room for something new. The whole world follows this cycle of renewal and although it can be hard to keep up with, we can only be sure that change is the only constant.
Chin up wee chick!
I agree with the others. It's your blog, and you'll cry if you want to! We're here because we want to read what you have to say, whatever it is.
Thanks for sharing Yvonne and being so honest! It is encouraging! And nice to get to know you. None of us get through life without the tough bits, it's great if we have friends or family to support us..But yea, you don't always have to be happy! Much love, Mims x
Jen: we often struggle to comprehend the meaning of sad events in our lives, but when someone can be as supportive and inspirational as you have been to me when I understand you have been going through similar struggles, it is obvious to see how God uses all situations to shape us and deepen our understanding of Him for the benefit of others and our growth into Jesus' likeness. That verse is so powerful - time and again, it inspires me. Thanks for your kind words.
Baron: I barely know you (in person), but I count you as a great friend, like an old wise man..ihihih! Thanks for your support!
Bea: I am honoured you are even bothered reading my blog - love you pal!
Mimo: Good to see you again and, wow, I am humbled by your words. Many thanks to you too.
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