Throughout my life, I have always had it in me to be
a contestant, a
rebel. Not necessarily
'burning my bra' in front of the masses, but always being inquisitive and, somehow, argumentative about various issues. I am of the kind of watches telly and
argues-out-loud with the news reporter because he is 'talking bullshit' or vivaciously criticise the ref in an impor
tant football match I am not even at, responding on my mother's behalf when my sister is playing 'spoiled-brats' and similar.. When I was in senior high especially, I was rather obnoxious and arrogant. I even made my Faith an occasion for constant
'Bible Bashing' and verbalised debates. My all time favourite was biology, ethics and philosophy classes - best ones for open discussion. I even took it against
Darwin,
the Papacy and
Sigmund Freud. In fact, the latter was a special target for mouthy me. I despised his theories, made his arguments a joke and bull-eyed his distressed personality. These days I like to refer to my past behaviour as 'teen-age arrogance'. As you all know one of my favourite topics is
'pantha rei', the issue of change. I feel I have changed. A lot. Having worked with troubled teens, children from disadvantaged backgrounds and people in general for quite sometime, I have grown to appreciate some more expert and wiser words from others, like
Freud, for instance. One of his theories suggests that our adult behaviour is, to say the least, influenced by our upbringing. Don't get me wrong: my upbringing has been close to idyllic, perfect, dare I say. What bothers me the most right now is what my teachers said. Teachers, instructors, professors of life. I often reflect on whether most of the academic profession is totally in the wrong job. Frustrated, middle-aged, dissatisfied academics who take it onto their students through mental humiliation and lack of sufficient stimulation. My classical Greek lyceum professor, for instance, who seemed to find an incredible sense of satisfaction in humiliating me in front of my whole class by saying I would have never achieved anything in life, that I was a nobody, that I was
mediocre. Isn't it weird how, at the eve of a decisive step in my life, those are the words that are resounding in my head. I not stupid, not smart; I am
mediocre. I have often reflected on that woman's cruelty and often wondered whether she was a, pardon my French, b!*$%# or
the only person who ever really saw right through me. I am shattered.
Throughout my life, I have always had it in me to be a contestant, a rebel. Not necessarily 'burning my bra' in front of the masses, but always being inquisitive and, somehow, argumentative about various issues. I am of the kind of watches telly and argues-out-loud with the news reporter because he is 'talking bullshit' or vivaciously criticise the ref in an impor
tant football match I am not even at, responding on my mother's behalf when my sister is playing 'spoiled-brats' and similar.. When I was in senior high especially, I was rather obnoxious and arrogant. I even made my Faith an occasion for constant 'Bible Bashing' and verbalised debates. My all time favourite was biology, ethics and philosophy classes - best ones for open discussion. I even took it against Darwin, the Papacy and Sigmund Freud. In fact, the latter was a special target for mouthy me. I despised his theories, made his arguments a joke and bull-eyed his distressed personality. These days I like to refer to my past behaviour as 'teen-age arrogance'. As you all know one of my favourite topics is 'pantha rei', the issue of change. I feel I have changed. A lot. Having worked with troubled teens, children from disadvantaged backgrounds and people in general for quite sometime, I have grown to appreciate some more expert and wiser words from others, like Freud, for instance. One of his theories suggests that our adult behaviour is, to say the least, influenced by our upbringing. Don't get me wrong: my upbringing has been close to idyllic, perfect, dare I say. What bothers me the most right now is what my teachers said. Teachers, instructors, professors of life. I often reflect on whether most of the academic profession is totally in the wrong job. Frustrated, middle-aged, dissatisfied academics who take it onto their students through mental humiliation and lack of sufficient stimulation. My classical Greek lyceum professor, for instance, who seemed to find an incredible sense of satisfaction in humiliating me in front of my whole class by saying I would have never achieved anything in life, that I was a nobody, that I was mediocre. Isn't it weird how, at the eve of a decisive step in my life, those are the words that are resounding in my head. I not stupid, not smart; I am mediocre. I have often reflected on that woman's cruelty and often wondered whether she was a, pardon my French, b!*$%# or the only person who ever really saw right through me. I am shattered.
5 comments:
Freud based his theories on just 9 indeviduals and much of his 'theories' can be relevant when understanding the human psyche.
However, I have studied psychology and psychoanalysis for over 10 years, and during this time, when observing human behaviour I have found much of the psychological theories to be inconsistant, this, I believe is due to 'change.'
Change of an indevidual's environment (new job, different home, a death etc..), changes an indevidual's psyche and behaviour.
With reference to your teacher, she could probably see potential in you and tried reverse psychology by telling you that you're nothing special in the hope that you will prove her wrong and become something great.
Or she's reflecting 'her' potential on to you but doesn't believe in herself enough, therefore causing her to not believe in your abilities either, this then can cause you to doubt yourself also.
Don't let her 'shadow' stunt your ability to acheive academically by giving you insecurities in succeeding.
Here's something I think is great, you're an Italian who can speak and write fluent English. I, who is English can't even write English as good as you.
She sure can't!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you're not serious, girl, because whether she was playing twisted psychological games on you or not, that woman was DOWNRIGHT WRONG. Don't ever let anybody tell you you're worth a hair less than a million. You are beautiful inside and out, you're one of the most intelligent and articulate people I've ever met, and above all, you are to be admired for the passion you put into everything and your capability to make your projects real. You will certainly achieve anything you set out to in life.
Ti manco, cara.
Well, I don't know you personally but just by having read most of the stuff in your blog I must say I totally agree with Cayetana and Tanya. Your words simply ooze intelligence. Your use of English is amazing, your posts are brilliant...what else could i say?
Change is the only constant. Any of the interpretations given by tanya to your teacher's behaviour may be right. I teach mathematics and see everyday how many teachers throw their own frustration against students, maybe as a pyscological defence mechanism. In any case achivements in life are directly proportional to the passion you put into everything. So, just ride on 'cuz you already have the most important thing: your capability to work hard.
..and now I am crying. As always your words make me a better person, a person who is able to believe and made stronger by your experiences, care, compassion. Thanks guys, I'll do my best.
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