Regardless of my many attempts to write a post on the "What ifs" of life, this is the first time I feel daring enough to go through with it."No regrets!" has always been my motto, but what if the turn I took, the road I chose, the things I did, felt or said were a different closed envelop than the one I picked? The movie "Sliding Doors" (1998) may not be the best film ever produced and we all might agree on the fact that Gwyneth Paltrow's best feature is Mr Chris Martin, but it is a great starting point for a discussion of what would have happened if someone missed a certain sliding door in life..would that just mean they'd have to catch the next train to the same station or the possibility of commencing a brand new life adventure..
As you all know, I have recently returned back to where it all started from and I am glad I did even if this choice carries along a great deal of implications. Fox is currently showing a TV serial called "October Road" - the show has actually been on for the past year or so, but I have not managed to watch any of it if not the trailer. Apparently it tells the story of an author who returns home after 10 years to face the people he had based his book on. The catch phrase is "because only the fool does not return to the place where he had been happy". I wanna be no fool. Despite my constant criticism of Naples and of the things I disagree of on my hometown, I lived wonderful years here.
Exactly a week ago I wa
s at possibly the swankiest pool party of the year for a dear friend's graduation. Elegant venue, chic dresses, superb cusine, free bar, good music, beutiful young people, warm laughters, genuine affection.. perfect, I'd say. I was at first a little apprehensive about seeing people I had not met in 3,5,10 years even. What would they make of my life story? How would they perceive me? Would I be pretty in their eyes? Don't get me wrong: I am a generally extremely self-confident person, very much at peace with my self and, as I said, with "no regrets". But the situation required a little self awareness, I guess. So I got ready, adjusted the last few details before the mirror by the entrance door and entered into a new/familiar world. Beyond any of my expectations, it was like being once again the popular girl in jr high, but I did not have to pretend to be anyone else but me. After a couple of years of feeling worthless, ugly and misunderstood, I felt..well..at home!All this often made me wonder on whether ever going away was the right choice.. what if the cute young doctor who was chatting me up had been a classmate of mine five years ago, what if I hadn't snobbed off that group of people, what if I had never fallen in love with the guy who ended up scarring me for life, what if..what if..what if...!??!?!?!
But the answer is always the same: you cannot judge life backwards because the person we are today is inevitably the result of experience - the right choices and the wrong turns alike.
3 comments:
Beautiful post Ivonne.
I can certainly identify with the what if's, I've thought about them in my life! But everything we go through molds us like you said, and whatever choices we made we made them with the best intentions and with what we had at hand at the time. What we have now is today and tomorrow, but I guess also wisdom from from past experiences, whether good or bad.
You have a little poem written next to your profile, which says nevr regret anything that made you smile, it is often the times where I have cried that I have learnt the most and have made me who I am.
What if's, are pointless waste of mental energy. It's like the Butterfly Effect but none of it matters because what if's is actually 'what is'.
The pattern of our life is developed by not what we could have done differantly, but by what we have done actually, the same applies to our purpose, we are all heading in one direction, death.
When death comes our choice determines where we will spend eternity, heaven or hell. What if's makes no differance for the lost souls in hell, they're not going to be thinking 'what if I had accepted Jesus, I wouldn't be eternally suffering mentally' because they eternally will.
I myself have wasted precious positive thoughts dwelling on the what if's in my life. What's happened has happened and we can't change it but we can change the way we think and feel about it, thank Jesus and look forward in life.
Anyway, nice to have you back and I've missed your deep thoughts.
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