Saturday, January 26

Scarlet

I often find myself reminiscing about my childhood. Maybe because it was a carefree, happy period of my life – the best dare I say. Possibly because deep down I am disappointed with the way I have turned out to be as an adult…do I really match up to the woman I dreamt of becoming as a little girl. Maybe I just find it hard to accept the fact that, in reality, I don’t seem to have changed that much. Tonight, for instance, I feel lonely and rejected like that one time when I walked over the lizard all the boys were playing with, thus ending the ‘game’, I guess. They hated me at that particular moment and made sure I knew about it too. Fair enough everything was soon forgiven and forgotten, but their refusal upset me a great deal. I remember I cried for hours…even ended up vomiting on my parents costume-made silk sate. They weren’t impressed either but, like today, they were understanding of me. Parents. Shortly after the lizard episode, we were climbing up trees again, but that period in between my peers rejection and one of them knocking on our front door whilst the others were waiting on the landing trying to look the least mischievous they could (useless attempt must say..), hurt me, like this self perceived distance is hurting me now. Even though we are not climbing up trees anymore, I am still waiting for you to knock on our front door, hold my hand again and hear you say, ‘She is my best friend!” – with pride, joy, nostalgia, awe.

Teach a child the way that he should walk, and even when he will be old, he shall not depart from it” Proverbs.

3 comments:

john heasley said...

Your posts are always very thought provoking, there is quite a lot to unwrap and think about.'A room with a view,' never quite sure if I'm looking in the right direction.

Estelle said...

Ivonne, we've never met but yet I feel there is a friendship there and maybe next time I visit Naples, I could come and call at your house and we could find a treee or two to climb!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Ivonne, hope you're ok and your medical studies are going well. I'm at Spurgeon's College finishing the degree I started at Regents.
Many blessings
Take care
John Owens